Cozy Christmas

Years ago I was a Gold Canyon Candle consultant. I enjoyed selling these double wick candles because their fragrance fills the room. I love when you enter a home and can smell a fragrant aroma and see a candle lit!

There was a bright red candle called "Cozy Christmas." 

The company is no longer in business (sadly) However, I always remember the Pomegranate fragrance (a best seller!) and the Cozy Christmas scent (only available during Winter). 

When you think of a "birthing room" the last word you would use to describe it is cozy.

Mary who is swollen, in her last trimester, is now in active labor and is about to give birth to a child, event though she never knew a man. 

The first Christmas was anything but cozy. 

I think it's ironic that the nostalgia and comforts and cozy atmosphere of our Christmas mornings are nothing at all like what Jospeh and Mary and our LORD, the infant Christ-King experienced. 

The fragrance? Not at all like a scented candle.

The smell was pungent, putrid and disgusting. 

Cow urine. Donkey doo-doo. Sheep funkiness. 

The smells were anything but cozy. There were no warm sugar cookie smells or peppermint thrills or make your stomach growl ham scents coming from an oven. 

The smell swirling around in the inn must have been a tinge of what our sin reeks of. 

Pungent, putrid and disgusting. 

Smells like wrecked marriages, tragic deaths, car accidents, miscarriage of a newborn, miscarriage of justice, loneliness, loss of job, loss of life, loss of dreams, loss of innocence, betrayal of a friend, lies, crimes, and ugly thoughts...bullying, a prodigal's blasphemy, you name the sin...Christ bore them all!

The pain of Mary, the angst of Jospeh and the fatigue of the newborn King. Everyone felt pain. Mary sore from giving birth. Joseph still in a fog as to the reality of what just happened. Baby Jesus, the cradle stall nothing like His heavenly throne...

However, a new day is coming! A dawn will break through! 

A day when the Dayspring on High will reign in sublime glory! Christ the Savior is born. His sinless life pointed to His Father's approval. When the veil was torn in two, our separation anxiety was defeated. We no longer reek of sin. We now wear the robes of Righteousness. Jehovah Tsidkenu- the LORD our righteousness took the wrath of God in our stead. 

The contrast of our dreamy Cozy Christmas scene with the real incarnate Lamb of God laying in a manger next to stinky smelly animals is telling. Do you really know this Jesus? Do you really celebrate His birth? Or do you just smile at the manger and say "Ah" 

Christ does not ask for us to be sentimental this time of year. I believe we are to be reverent and sober minded. 

It doesn't mean we can't take our kids to see Christmas lights, or dress up in ugly Christmas sweaters or bake cookies. We can do these things.

But my prayer is that we will also think of how smelly our sins are. We will marinate on this truth- Christ died to save sinners, a sinner LIKE ME. 

If we look at the babe in the manger, and we sing "what Child is this?" but neglect to repent and worship Him and laud Him King of Kings and Lord of LORDs, we've missed it...for our Lamb of God was slain. That babe was born to be slaughtered for our sins. 

Dr. John MacArthur notes that in Hebrews 10:20 we have a "new and living way" when we are born again. "New" is prophatos which means "freshly slaughtered." The old testament sacrificial system is done with. Now, we have Jesus the FRESH way opened up for us! 

Our true comfort and peace resides not in something but SOMEONE-Jesus.

Let's Worship Him in Spirt and in Truth this Christmas and always! 

O Come Immanuel

Christmas brings many joys and memories. Wide eyes and twinkle lights. Presents. Cookie aroma, cider scent and frankincense. 

But the greatest of these is LOVE. (1 Corinthians 13)

We sing Oh come oh come Immanuel.

I truly love this song.

It allows us an opportunity to sing the Gospel. 

The lyrics so familiar, deep and beautiful and true:

 "O come, o come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel

O come, Thou Day-Spring

Come and cheer

Our spirits by Thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free

Thine own from Satan's tyranny

From depths of hell Thy people save

And give them victory o'er the grave

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel"

During Christmas, we celebrate Christ's birth-An Old Covenant Promise in New Testament reality. We also celebrate what hope we have in Christ now and in heaven. 

Emmanuel did come to ransom captive Israel.

But Emmanuel also came for us today, in 2025, in modern day America.

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night?

As spoiled sun-tanned California residents, many of us do not understand gloomy clouds of night. We enjoy sunshine many days year-round. However, there are many parts of the world with bitter cold winters. The clouds make the cold feel worse. 

The coldness of night is nothing compared to what this Christmas Carol is suggesting. An eternity awaits us in heaven or hell. We must repent and seek Jesus! He is the only Way and He beckons us- COME! 

We all have a date with death and then we meet our Creator God.

Those of us who are believes, we are so blessed to sing this Christmas song and rejoice that our Savior, Messiah Jesus, Immanuel God with us is here!

What is Normal

 If Isaac was normal, my life would be so different...

What would it be like without the spectrum?

I would not know the deep dependence on my Father and cry myself to sleep knowing He alone was cradling me..

If it was all a normal autism free life...

If Isaac was normal, my life would be so different...

I would bake cookies with the kitchen door unlocked, I would laugh out loud without fear it might give him a shock, I could call a girlfriend without the conversation irritating him, but I might not know my best friend Jesus 

If it was a simple autism free life...after all

I would go away on an adventure with my husband, I would not need to get so many refills on medications....

I wouldn't crave heaven as much...I wouldn't crave to press in....to touch the hem of His robe longing for the royal touch

If it was just a black and white no spectrum life...after all

He would call a girlfriend or jump in a car with a friend, he would get upset at me for bugging him to clean his room...

He wouldn't reach for my hand in reassurance, or say "Mama be right back" 

He wouldn't smile so big expecting a snack

Might be kinda boring...

If it was a normal autism free life...

I could wrap Christmas presents and put them under the tree

I might think my life was all about me

My daughter might not learn how to weep on bended knee

I might not even wrap my brain around humility

I wouldn't long for eternity with the Son of Man who hung on the tree...I might be quick to speak, slow to listen and quick to complain

I might scroll on my phone in church and ignore my Bible letting it collect dust on the shelf

I might believe life was consumed with body image, outings with friends and picture perfect moments with family

I might not desire God or ever pray

In fact God uses autism to free me from sin

My longings are different 

Please note-My tears do sting yes...

But I have enjoyed deep moments with my head buried on my Savior's chest 

I am glad it's not such a normal life after all..

I see a glimpse of heaven praying each day...

I'll never fully grasp what it all means

No this is not me fulfilling my dreams

My dreams were too small

They were scripted at best

God gave me so much, when He gave me less

He gave me Himself, not an autism free life

His Grace for my daily weakness is so much better than normal

Truly I am learning, it is best to not have an autism free life after all

It's best to have lifelong weakness to Glorify God in it all 

A Letter of Grief and Consolation

Wednesday, September 10, 2025

A Letter of Grief and Consolation

 

Dear Erika Kirk,

I am so sorry.

I do not have words.

Please avoid social media right now.

People are so incredibly unkind & evil. 

They do not have the mind of Christ.

They are lost souls.

Father forgive them for they know not what they do.

This prayer is easier said than done.

I am so crippled with despair over your husband’s murder and this assassination.

I hate that you and your children must live and move on without your husband.

So young, so brilliant, so willing to put himself out there to champion truth.

Please know there are many women and men out there praying for you.

There are moms holding you up -praying for comfort to the King of Kings and LORD of LORDS.

We know the Scriptures say the end of days will grow more and more evil.

People will call evil good and good evil.

We see that in your beloved’s death.

Some called it good and it makes me want to vomit.

I am so so sorry.

Though I have never met you, you clearly freed up your husband to do ministry!

You are more than a conqueror Erika and God will indeed turn your sorrow to joy!

Your husband was involved in so much ministry!

No, he was not a pastor per se. He did not serve as a teacher in a church pulpit or build houses or wells in a distant land …his ministry, his mission field-- the college campuses, the young people, the airwaves;

He championed truth and wanted to reach the lost HERE in USA. What a brave soldier indeed. His calling sure and now his mission complete. But your pain & lament-dear God have mercy!

I pray you find comfort in knowing his light definitely shined bright.

He was hated and killed like so many truth warriors. Jesus wept and we weep now over your husband’s death. You will never live a day the same. Praying your can find comfort in the psalms, in the Gospel and in the reality that your husband is with the LORD!

Was he a perfect man? No one is.

But he was yours and you were his and you sleep alone tonight.

Your babies will cuddle you. You cradled them, now they’ll cradle you.

You have a new baton. A faith baton to pass on to your children that daddy’s light was here momentarily. His life mattered. His life was well lived. Your husband showed an intense deep passion for God, and Truth and to see change in America. 

He was unapologetic in a world that is always saying

“I am sorry I assumed gender”

“I am sorry I say that the Bible calls sin, I am sorry I even said the word sin”

He did not bow to Caesar.

We grieve.

We mourn.

We pray for your comfort, today, tomorrow and throughout your life and the lives of your babies who will grow up in this country.

I do not have more words, only tears and agony of heart! I feel comfort in that I and so many countless others worldwide are grieving with you and praying for God to heal, save and change America, one debate at a time. Many more debates will continue. They will continue in living rooms, in coffee shops, around the kitchen table and even at night over a phone or tv screen. Your husband sparked debate and clearly America did not get the memo. We don’t even recognize this country anymore. 

We won’t stop praying for you Erika!

You are not forgotten by our LORD and you are not forgotten by us praying friends. We are the body of Christ.

The atheist may type and mock sentiments like “thoughts and prayers” 

but we pray to Jehovah Jireh God our Provider, we pray to Jesus Messiah-the King of all Kings and Lord of all LORDS, we pray to our God Almighty who is bigger and mightier and more powerful than any president, king, sage, professor, scholar or earthly leader. 

We pray to our God Elohim. 

We pray to the Judge of all the earth. 

We pray to Jesus Christ who said He alone is the Way the Truth and the Life.

We pray and even with mournful tears, we praise, because like Job, we know your husband’s life will bear much fruit, multiplied fruit…even beyond the year 2025.

Hang in there sister. 

Jesus Christ lives to make intercession for you.

With much love, affection and encouragement in Christ,

Laura Gonzalez

Gratitude

LORD help me be a grateful girl, not a jealous girl.

Let my voice be heard in the morning!
Let my prayer of gratitude rise to you and adoration be for you alone.

Help me be a grateful girl.

In the quiet

In the stillness

Help me be a grateful girl

stop scrolling 

stop thinking

stop over thinking

Help me be a grateful girl

I have much to be grateful for

I do not want to grumble and mumble and say words that are jumbled

I desire to be filled with gratitude for your sovereign steadfast love which is truly better than life

Help me be a grateful girl

I think of the missionaries no running water

I think of the cancer patients some a dear son or daughter

Help me be a grateful girl

For food in the fridge clothes on my back

Always praise God! There is food to fill a lunch sack

Help me be a grateful girl

Longing eyes are not just in the scriptures as David glared at Bathsheba

I can long too

Long for the past when my kids were small and I had so much tending to do

Help me be a grateful girl

Longing for a weekend getaway with my husband

or to be able to say "Happy Birthday" out loud

longing for unlocked doors or to walk freely with Isaac and Olivia in a crowd

Help me be a grateful girl

I love you LORD my lips shall sing, even with a bite mark on my arm a permanent tattoo ring

Help me be a grateful girl

I am grieved as I look at these medications for my son's inner mind, to derail seizures in his head

Help me see with your eyes dear LORD for one day one day no more tears on my bed

LORD help me be a grateful girl

Let my voice be heard in the morning, at noon and in the twilight of my life

Let my prayers of gratitude rise to you and sing for the Cross crushed all these temporary pain-filled trials and strife

LORD help me

Mold me 

Shape me

to a grace-filled girl

My name is written!

 My name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life;

Not with ink and pen but neatly etched and then stained with blood...

My name? Me LORD?

Yes, it's written in the Lamb's Book of Life.

Who is worthy to open the scroll?

One Alone!

The Lamb chosen to be slain...

The One who will be the Bridegroom to one chosen wife;

My name in blood jotted down in the Lamb's Book of Life.

I can scarcely handle it, the gravity of my sin...you see it like a movie reel over and over again...

Even though I don't want to...

My DNA and behavior shows my propensity to hurt you with sin, but yet I humbly bow to the Lamb who graciously hands me over to the Father!

Jesus, I am yours! 

Captured by Grace

Captured by Love

I fall in merciful layers of love

You my LORD are the Lamb of God my King and Savior

Purge me with hyssop

Cleanse me day by day...

I still can't believe it, as you are acquainted with all my ways!

My name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life.

I am wedded to thee.

I care not of the dress from hell to heaven you have changed my eternal address...

My RSVP, your blood shed for me...

Thank you my LORD for being the Lamb who was slain on Calvary!

 My name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life and forever I get to praise the Ancient of Days!

Privilege

 Who else gets to wash the dust off your feet?

What a privilege

Work hard enjoy

God has gifted you all things the highs and the lows

The breakthroughs and the blows

What a privilege

People look on and smile

What a peculiar sight! 

A little mama and a man-child who is her delight

What a privilege

There were days

I cried til my head pounded for days

Taking aspirin begging God to take all this emotion away

Why must I toil only to get  attacked in the morn?

I wore a smile but inside my feelings and spirit did groan 

Oh What a privilege

God has given us daily bread

And today this day is the Lord’s day the psalmist wrote while laying on his grassy bed 

Oh What a privilege

To help you morning through evening and even before dawn or middle of the night

Others just see a t-shirt and think what a strange sight

The battle is long the rested moments are few

But I praise God our Father who specifically granted this assignment namely - YOU

Oh What a privilege

Eat drink and be merry King Solomon said

For one day we’ll all be in the grave and a eulogy will be read

He gives us good gifts although it’s true your container is strange

But so is unconventional love…

Love the disabled the crooked the bent over with Christ at the helm we can love through every season and stage

The prayers for healing are few and far between

Long past are the days you fit on my knee

You are grown but still a child only 3 or 4 in your mind

Wait dear son for the rewards our Savior shall hand to you in heaven….all in His providential time  

From eternity past

Oh What a privilege

In this present pain

Oh What a privilege

In His Sovereign plan for you

Oh What a privilege

In my hands so much work to do

Oh What a privilege

Isaiah 53 etched in my mind

How close are you to Him dear son of mine?

I can’t tell 

no one can 

The prayers of those with

Autism, cerebral palsy, non-verbal or talkative and composed

The Savior knows ! 

The Spirit knows your faith in the Father like lilies in spring does grow! 

What a privilege